Old Friends and Fortune Cookies

I saw him this past Wednesday.

I made the drive over to his work; Balboa Ave all the way west towards Pacific Beach. I parked about 3 or 4 blocks away. He met me there outside of the office and we walked over towards Fatburger. He walked in front while I followed him. I noticed his hooded jacket, his dark blue jeans, and what looked to be a pair of new brown graffiti flat slip-ons. I didn’t say much until we got back to the office. My throat was running dry. Maybe from the lack of nutrients, or could it have been my nerves. Maybe it was because it was the day after I told him. Whatever it was for some reason I couldn’t get comfortable.

We sat there alone in the office, computers lined up against a wall, newspapers scattered about, books and files on the shelves in no particular order. We talked about a multitude of things, or rather he did. I merely provided an ear. Nothing about what we discussed the night prior. It was, a little upsetting I guess. Now that it’s out in the open, are we not supposed to talk about it?

His kindness. I loved and hated that about him. He spoke of how weird it was for me to shower him with stuff while I went through my period of obsessive affection. He told me back then to stop buying him stuff but I didn’t. I thought I was justified. I thought that he would see that I had him in mind. I now realize what a terrible approach that was in a desperate attempt to try and console his seemingly distraught mind. But he never treated me any differently. Despite the multiple fuck ups and awkward situations I created, he never acted differently towards me.

Sometimes I wish he would have. I wanted to get yelled at. Just some sign that I was getting through to him, even if it was negatively. At least then I would have been able to careen off that spell I had cast on myself instead of clinging at hope that one day I’d be more than just an acquaintance, more than a friend even.

I guess the universe, or the Chinese, wish to remind me that things aren’t so dismal. I’ve vocalized my opinion on the decline of fortune cookies and yesterday night, I happened to acquire one of the good ones: