Jealosy, and an Orgasm Inducing Room

I think I know why I’ve been in an off mood this morning, and last night even. Despite showering him with compliments, the news that Kaleb was possibly moving to Virginia to be with his boyfriend by the beginning of next year was somewhat upsetting. I don’t know why exactly. I mean, I hardly ever see him, or talk to him for that matter. Maybe it was the fact that he and I shared a significant moment in my coming out process; the fact that I’m essentially losing a spooning buddy (despite the inability to do so anyway now that he’s attached); or the idea that he’s moving on with his life with someone else.

This whole thing made me sorta pessimistic about the whole relationship aspect of this sub-culture. Even more so than the idea that anything long term is practically a rarity simply because it’s him. Anyone else I could be happy for. And I am for him really. But there’s just that small bit of anxious jealousy at the fact that he’s struck it rich with some guy who’s just as lucky as Kaleb is.

I hate that I’m responsive in such an unappealing manner. On the flip side however, my room is nearly complete in renovation. The walls have been painted and the laminate floor has been laid. I wish to have sex in what I consider to be a very sexy room. I used to envy people who had those types of rooms that were messy but still looked clean. I never had that, and I never knew why. Turns out it was mainly the rug. I could have a clean floor and it would still look like shit. But with these floors, I could throw some dirty clothes about, a few papers, couple magazines and still have the urge to simply lay down and embrace the artificial wood grains as I imagine hot sex on such a surface with these freshly painted walls.

That or sleep.

And as far as birthday's go, this one wasn't too bad. No cake this time, no big presents. Just 220$ and a necklace that my sister bought me for Christmas last year that broke which she had fixed. The family gave me a choice of eating out or ordering in, which I chose the former. Humored a health conscious place called Cilantro which offered a variety of raw vegetarian/vegan food choices. It was pretty good, but expensive. And I was full but didn't have that ickky feeling I do with the more unhealthy food choices. Topped off the night with a Corona.

Gay lounge to be attended Saturday evening with a friend and his friends.

A straight friend.

A straight friend who I used to have a heavy thing for.

Oh life you.

Oh, and decided to shell out the money for the best hair product in the world. The resulting awesomeness is thanks to Spice Sister's lite wax. <3