I had a dream involving Wii this morning. I don’t really recall what it was about exactly, just that I was staring at him like I normally would taking in things like how the light played with his hands or the glimmer in his eyes. A few minutes after I got up and ready to go out, I get an IM from him. This was a surprise because talking to him was so rare.
“Hey,” he said to me.
“Hey stranger”
“You know I only IM you when I need favors =P.”
Apparently his car was giving him grief like it usually does and he needed a ride after he dropped it off at the shop. I told him I would meet him there, happy to help. I kept thinking about the way our friendship works. I started to feel like I was being used yet despite that feeling, I feel compelled to be there for him whenever it calls on me. Maybe there is still some latent emotional stronghold he has over me. Maybe I’m just looking for acceptance and approval. Not to say that I didn’t want to go out of my way, I had no problem with it but I couldn’t help wondering why I was going out of my way.
I brought my camera along just in case I would get an opportunity. I wouldn’t want a repeat of what happened at Mitsuwa. I sat outside for about 20 minutes until he pulled in. He carried with him a nauseating scent of gasoline and I opened a window as we drove over to El Zarappe for some Mexican food. There was probably a faster way than taking University all the way from
We talked about the usual things, or rather, he talked and I listened. We talked a bit about school, what we’ve been doing [nothing]. He’s been preoccupied with Monster Hunter and he showed me a bit of that while we waited for our food. Then a strange thing happened. This guy came up to me and pointed at my camera. I noticed him looking at our direction for a bit but paid him no mind. He asked what kind of lens was on it and I handed it over for him to take a look at it. We talked about the prime 1.8 50mm lens versus the 1.4 for a bit before he motioned to leave. As he was walking away, I realized that I did it again. “Damn it, that was another chance wasn’t it?” I said to Wii. “Yea man.”
When I caught him in my peripheral I could sort of tell if he was interested but I don’t like to make assumptions about people. When he was talking to me, there was something in his eyes that hinted that he maybe but nothing else was out of the ordinary. I started hitting myself with the what ifs and what could be if I’d only have the nerve to act on it. But would it have been weird to have this two or three minute conversation about lenses and say, “Hey, could I get your number?” I just found solace in the fact that nothing was going to come out from it so I shouldn’t bother. It would save him the trouble of having to deal with this dependant shut it and me the trouble of having to impose that on him.
If it weren’t for people like him, I would probably never speak to anyone.
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