Briefing.

Friday night

So Todd and them totally ditched me Friday. I had called him and he didn’t pick up. I sent him an IM saying happy birthday, no reply. So I’m like, ok. I’m going out anyway. I figured I’d call Christina to see if she was up for a movie. With her break up though, she was pretty adamant about not going anywhere (then she goes out with some other friends apparently a few days after that. Hah). But at the time it was like, it’s really not about me trying to cheer you up or get your mind off things. I just want someone to go watch a movie with. I know she doesn’t want to talk about what happened, which is why I didn’t bring it up. She didn’t even call me to tell me that they had broken up, I had to hear it from my sister. Whatever.

Anyway, I decided to go see Once over at the Landmark Theater in Hillcrest which turned out to be really good. Very moving. The music was great too. I felt like a drink afterwards so I decided to go walk around to see if something was open near by. I’m at the corner of University and 5^th when this older black guy is crossing the street. On the corner there’s this well dressed white guy in a suit with some luggage off to his right. The older black guy goes “Hey, do you need a ride? I can give you a ride” in this sly sort of speech implying something more than just a simple ride. And it just disgusted me.

After about a block, I decided to head back and just go to the Egyptian Tea House. They have open mic nights on Fridays so I wanted to see if anyone was doing anything. When I got to my car, there was this guy in a tank top driving by in some silver car. He glanced towards me and I looked back. And he turned his gaze in a very disinterested manner. I instantly felt scrubby. When I looked in the mirror I started picking out things that I absolutely hated and it just started building up with all the other things that had been going on.

When I get to the tea house, it’s packed and no one is playing. So I get a hot chocolate to go and that Asian girl behind the counter goes, “Oh hey. Guy with the cool shoes right? Do you have them on right now?” Then while I’m sitting down the familiar white girl says something like, “Your shoes make me happy. I get happy whenever I see your shoes and your cool hair.” And that wasn’t enough to bring me out of my funk. I drove home and called it a night.

Saturday

Mark had cancelled combo and I was pretty pissed about that. I’ve been looking forward to it since we preformed but it’s been two weeks now that he’s cancelled. But I had plans for later that night so at least I had something going for me. I ended up at Nathan’s graduation party which was pretty lackluster at best. I mean, no offence to him and his crowed, but if the only thing we do when we hang out is watch movies and play games it’s gonna get tired really quick. It would probably be a different story if I were into games like I used to be. So from the get go I wanted to just leave and go to the gym already as planned prior to the party.

So we get to leave and it’s Wii, Angel and me. After we got situated, Wii went to go do his usual routine on the floor while Angel and I went to the pool. Instead of doing laps, we ended up talking and after tip-toeing around the subject I basically said “I was never really into girls.” Then came on conversations surrounding the subject and other tangent topics. He kept trying to persuade me into telling Wii, saying that we’d be closer as friends if I were to share something so personal. I just have a lot of issues with that but it pretty much comes down to timing. I don’t want to be like “Oh hey Wii, there are two people in the room: you and me. Who’s gay?”

He was really flattered that I told him though. Flattered that I trusted him enough to want to confide in him, which I did, but it’s not like I planned on telling him. Ultimately it’s just easy to tell strangers. Nothing lost, nothing gained.

As of right now, I don’t really feel the need to tell him because it’s not really relevant. I tired talking to him the other day and was pretty standoffish. The whole reason why I want to tell him is because I want to build some sort of close friendship. I want to be another option for him rather than just Angel. But I don’t know. I don’t feel like he wants me as an option. Which is fine.

Oh well. What can you do?

Took this last night. It was one of the rare moments that I thought I looked decent enough.