Friday, January 30, 2009

Mikey.

I saw a familiar face. It was Mikey on GG this time. I haven't seen him since we last spoke. All of a sudden he got really distant. He privatized his myspace and closed his GG account. It was like going through another break up. So to see him there again with a new acount, posting his pictures and reciving compliments, in all honesty is kind of painful. I know how selfish that is but I can't help but harbor feelings. Despite my resolve to burn bridges, to alienate myself from people, to despise the social network, I can't help but desire the opposite. I actively reject what I want because I'm afraid I can't have it. Or rather yet I'm afraid that I will have it then lose it. Amidst that fear I make my strides and reach out, form connections, but they never really fade. I still have all the stuff we used to send to each other. I have his pictures in my phone. For what purpose I don't know. Maybe to remind myself that I was happy at some point. Or that he is no longer apart of my life. If that's the case, why does he still affect me so?


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